Letting Her Go

Mom went in the hospital five days ago with traces of pneumonia. Over the last few days her condition has worsened. She can’t swallow and barely takes teaspoons of water. Her lungs are filling with fluid and she struggles to clear them. She looks as frail as frail can be, her cheeks sunken in, her eyes fixed, her skin cold. There are various bruises that mark IV sites and Cellulitis has set in on her right hand where an IV blew a vein and saline filled the skin. It is hot to the touch and painful for her when we move it.

Mom has put up such a good fight. Her doctor who has cared for her for the last four years said she outlived his predictions by two years. A small consolation for a person you dearly love and who you don’t want to leave this planet….ever.

Two conflicting thoughts now flood my brain. I don’t want mom to die and I want mom to die quickly so this agony can be over. I feel like she has already left. As my son Adam said after seeing her this weekend, “That is not my Grandma…”

It is so hard to see a loved one die this way.

Thanks to the people who have written me with prayers, kind words and their own life experiences.  This is an extremely hard time in my life but it gives new meaning to what I do for a living.

One Comment

  1. Anonymous
    Posted August 25, 2010 at 7:11 pm | Permalink

    Though I have been a follower of yours for the past three plus months, I haven't shared with you my own experience with my mother and Alzheimer's. These are very difficult times, and the tears don't stop for me when I so closely relate to your updates. My mother is in Kansas where my family resides, and that makes it harder. I have prayed silently for you and your mother as I have for my own mother, father, and sister. May God help us through these trying times and work through us to find a cure/prevention for this horrible disease process. The only comfort comes if we are believers who know the best is yet to some! Meredith Drummond (meredith@hireahusband1.com)

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