Give Her That

A friend approached me at a party and told me of her mother’s plight with Alzheimer’s. She bemoaned her poor relationship with her mom and said, “I guess there is nothing I can do now.” She tried to tell me why her relationship with her mom was bad and I rudely interrupted her.

I said, “I know, I know that she criticized you when you got a B in art. I know she told you how to be a better mother. I know she said she didn’t like your husband and you could do better.” I know the story, but none of this noise matters now.

I know the story because we all have some version of it. But it does not matter at this time in your mother’s disease.

Go see your mom. Take the picture of you when you were 12 and playing the piano. Show it to your mom. Tell her how you hated lessons then, but cry now when you play Chopin for your children. Tell her that every time you stitch a rip in your son’s pants that you marvel at how your mom could thread a needle in one pass. Tell her when you make pancakes on Sunday morning that you smile at the perfect flip. Tell her these things. Tell her how wonderful she made your life. Don’t spend one more minute carrying around the garbage of what your parent didn’t do.

You tell her those things. YOU GIVE HER THAT! Thank her for making you who you are in this world. GIVE HER THAT!

 

One Comment

  1. Posted July 27, 2013 at 8:33 pm | Permalink

    July 27, 2013

    Dear Dwayne,

    LOVE your Posts!

    I’m a former Accountant who worked on high-net worth trust funds, many called me “The Fixer” because no matter how complex or convoluted it had become, I could always see the simplicity in the chaos.

    My career changed into real estate for The Coachella Valley, and was surprised to see on your website that you do not have a facility here!

    Would like to invite you to consider this area, as your ideologies would be well embraced here!

    I’d even think to venture, doing another unique development would fit a need here.

    I’ve seen first had some sad senior situations that could have easily been avoided if there were genuine care services available – so many single seniors have become removed that they are forgotten until you see the ambulance roaring up the street to find that they passed really from lonliness.

    Our Society has become so fast paced with technology, and self-absorbed, how often to hear people say “let’s stay in touch or I’ll call you” and in the end no one calls. I’ve, called people just to say “hello” and that one to two minute conversation, even if it is just to ask them what they ate for breakfast – conveys genuine care. You can feel that person’s smile come through the phone line!

    Dwayne, thank you for reading this comment and hope you will take it to heart to put several unique facilities here in The Desert!

    Pearl Jow

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