A friend approached me at a party and told me of her mother’s plight with Alzheimer’s. She bemoaned her poor relationship with her mom and said, “I guess there is nothing I can do now.” She tried to tell me why her relationship with her mom was bad and I rudely interrupted her.
I said, “I know, I know that she criticized you when you got a B in art. I know she told you how to be a better mother. I know she said she didn’t like your husband and you could do better.” I know the story, but none of this noise matters now.
I know the story because we all have some version of it. But it does not matter at this time in your mother’s disease.
Go see your mom. Take the picture of you when you were 12 and playing the piano. Show it to your mom. Tell her how you hated lessons then, but cry now when you play Chopin for your children. Tell her that every time you stitch a rip in your son’s pants that you marvel at how your mom could thread a needle in one pass. Tell her when you make pancakes on Sunday morning that you smile at the perfect flip. Tell her these things. Tell her how wonderful she made your life. Don’t spend one more minute carrying around the garbage of what your parent didn’t do.
You tell her those things. YOU GIVE HER THAT! Thank her for making you who you are in this world. GIVE HER THAT!